So, you’ve built your criminal empire, fought off your competitors in bloody turf wars and emerged victorious. You’ve moved into your own version of the Corleone compound and now you need a car, something that reflects your status and power. After all, you’re not some low-rank soldier or a run-of-the-mill capo anymore. You’re the Boss.
But what do you buy? Assuming you do choose to buy something (you’re a criminal, after all), here are 5 cars you might find suitable for your mob boss transportation requirements.
Disclaimer: these are all factory-standard cars; you’ll have to organise the bulletproofing and onboard weaponry yourself.
Audi S8 Plus
Big and powerful yet somewhat discreet, it takes a sharp-eyed observer to know what they’re looking at with an S8. Audi’s answer to the Mercedes S Class and BMW’s 7 Series is an understated monster that oozes sophistication.
While not appearing particularly different to the rest of the range – some would simply view it as a big A6 – the S8 is the pinnacle of what Audi offers in their saloon range.
Plenty of space for a boss and his goons, the don who wants to remain somewhat inconspicuous while retaining enough ponies for a quick getaway will want to consider the S8. The twin-turbo V8 will evade most attempted hits with ease and will blend into the traffic in most city environments.
Jason Statham drove an A8 in the second and third Transporter movies and since the S8 is a better version of the A8, logic dictates that driving an S8 will mean you’re better than Jason Statham. Well, obviously. Duh.
The Plus variant adds an extra 85 horsepower and a range of cosmetic differences.
Personally this would probably be my pick so I encourage you to put this on your short list.
Fans of The Sopranos will be used to seeing boss Tony Soprano driving a large SUV. In early seasons he drove a maroon 1998 Chevrolet Suburban before he switched to a white 2003 Cadillac Escalade. Neither the colours or the vehicles fitted the existing mobster car stereotype but they seemed to suit the character.
In reality, they might not be the smartest choice. Big, heavy and not particularly agile, these big SUV’s could be a liability on congested roads.
That said, they offer plenty of space and exude their own type of power. The wannabe Tony Soprano will feel right at home behind the wheel, especially with a glove box full of cigars.
The Escalade has just had a facelift for 2021 but I think the previous styling suits the mob life a bit more. Also, the sidesteps allow for the driver to deploy a handful of Tommy-gun wielding goons for an old-school drive-by.
Be warned, these cars are also stereotyped for US federal agencies and two-bit drug dealers, so you might be picking up some unwanted stigma if you decide to drive the big Caddy.
While it might be based on the prehistoric G-wagon, the G63 is a formidable beast. Heaps of power, plenty of room and excellent off-road capabilities, this is the car to get any mafioso out of a sticky situation in a flash.
Already a popular car with Russian mobsters, the G63 is a practical choice for those with enemies. More substance than style, this will go places most other cars cannot at speeds they wouldn’t dare.
If you wish to channel your inner Escobar and set up a lavish estate in a remote jungle you’ll want at least one of these in the garage.
You can insert any supercar you want here but I’ve chosen the Aventador because if I was in the market for a high-powered road rocket lacking any sense of subtlety, this would be my choice. It’s one of the few cars where the back end actually looks better than the front, and the front is far from ugly.
From a mob boss perspective it could be a dangerous option. Sure, it exudes power, wealth and success but it could also be perceived as greedy, flashy and out of touch with the rest of the “family”.
The mafia doesn’t like things that draw attention to them, so this is a bold choice for the boss who isn’t afraid to ruffle a few feathers. Just be aware you could be painting a target on yourself.
For the aficionado of vehicles of an older vintage, a classic Yank tank from the sixties is an option. Cars like the Lincoln Continental were popular with American gangsters. You cant argue with the old-school-cool styling.
If you like the name but prefer modern conveniences, you can get a 2020 version that features suicide doors just like the old versions. It’s a cool, retro touch that almost makes up for the poor-mans-BMW exterior styling.
For ultimate street cred though, you should go with a classic model from the sixties. It’s a car with genuine mafia heritage. Just don’t get the convertible. JFK had one of those and… well… it didn’t end well.
So there it is, five car options for the discerning mafioso. Each one guaranteed to get you through any tollbooth without an issue.*
* This cannot be guaranteed, unfortunately.