All Aboard The Funsucker Express


They’re at it again. And by they I mean those bored, pathetic individuals who have nothing better to do that complain loudly about the most menial shit every chance they get.

This time it’s some woman in Perth (it’s ok, she’s a mother, so she knows everything) bleating to Woolworths that their Halloween decorations in store are too scary.

Hang in, it’s Halloween!? Isn’t it meant to be at least a little creepy?

This is what parenting seems to be these days. When I was a kid, if something like a decoration in the supermarket bothered me my Mum would have reassured me everything was ok and then hustled me along to a different part of the store. Out of sight, out of mind.

And that would have been the end of it. She would have picked what she needed and herded me out the door before I lost my shit. She would have explained things to me and told my why I didn’t need to be afraid.


But that’s not how mothers roll anymore, apparently. This funsucker kicked up a stink, demanding the decorations be taken down because the smallest percentage of visitors to that store might be mildly and temporarily upset. Worse still, 7 News in Perth (perhaps not exclusively) actually gave air time to this oxygen thief.

I’m not sure what’s worse – being a miserable softcock that publicly makes mountains out of molehills, or being the media entity that gives exposure and validation to these losers.

Now of course, Woolworths had to cave to some extent and “amend” their displays, meaning this bleating troll probably thinks she “won”. And that’s what it would have been all about. Getting her way, regardless of how stupid the complaint was.


Seriously, grow a pair and be a parent. If something freaks out your kid in a store, handle it. That’s your responsibility as a parent – to guide your child through situations that upset them and teach them how to manage those things in future.

Simply complaining to the store until you get your own way doesn’t help your kid, it just gives you a small, hollow victory that you can brag to your loser friends about. Congratulations on feeling like a winner; don’t let the truth ruin the moment.

Imagine putting in the time and effort to decorate like this only to have to rip it back down because one softcock customer complained?

I don’t even care about Halloween. It’s not something that was ever celebrated in my house as a kid and I always just saw it as something Americans did.

So when I go into Woolworths, I don’t even look at their Halloween decorations or stock because I just don’t care. It’s not what I’m there for so I don’t give it any of my time or attention.

Can you imagine if the whole world was like that? Full of people who can handle their own shit without complaining about the most petty, insignificant shit at the drop of a hat? And I think to myself… what a wonderful world.


Seriously, if we’re doing a human cull at any stage (and we should) people like this mother from Perth should be on the list. This combination of bored, entitled pettiness is a cancer on society. People like this are not just an embarrassment to the human race, they are standing in the way of human evolution. They’re holding us back, and they should be eliminated.

Seems harsh? Well, maybe it is. But maybe if oxygen theft was a capital offence we wouldn’t be forced to tolerate these fools.


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