1. Why Is The Wait Time For Peter Pan’s Flight Always So Long?

Ok, I somewhat get this. The ride doesn’t have a huge hourly capacity, load and unload can be slow and it’s definitely a family ride in the sense that even very young children can enjoy it, but seriously?

The wait time is often 60-100 minutes or longer for a ride that has been in the park since it first opened in 1971 and doesn’t offer anything spectacular in the way of new technology or thrills. Even on quiet days, while most rides are 10-20 minute waits Peter Pan’s Flight is still often 45 minutes or longer.

I understand that for those with young families this could be one of the few rides their kids might be willing to try, but it still surprises me that there’s so many people willing to line up for such a long time for this ride. It’s a fun ride but I just don’t understand the level of popularity!

2. Why Is The Mad Tea Party Teacups Ride So Dull?

I love the Teacups at Disneyland. The theming makes it seem so much more than what it is, which is essentially a fairly basic spinning ride. The hanging lanterns and surrounding trees give it a Wonderland-esque feel.

But the Magic Kingdom? All they’ve done is stick the ride under a greenhouse-thing in the centre of the midway and add in a few lanterns. It kind of looks like a weird carousel. By comparison it has none of the atmosphere of Disneyland and feels like just a spinning ride. One of the reasons Disney parks are so popular is because of the depth of theming and this ride seems really underdone by Disney standards.

It’s a shame that the Mad Tea Party isn’t better themed because it’s still a fun ride. I mean, who doesn’t want to spin their teacup so fast they can’t walk straight afterwards? I know I do!

3. Why Are The Tomorrowland Speedway cars so loud?

Yes, I realise internal combustion engines are noisy, but have you tried to talk to the person driving the car beside you? It’s great if you like to yell all your conversations I guess, but surely there’s a better muffler option for these cars?

While you’re at it, make them faster, too. All that noise to travel at walking pace seems really unnecessary.

And yes, I know I sound like a grumpy old man complaining about the noise. Honestly, if the cars went at least twice as fast (which I know they can’t because kids have to drive them, blah blah blah!) then the noise would make more sense.

In fact, the whole ride makes no sense these days. Small, low-powered internal combustion engines in Tomorrowland? What’s next, getting horses to pull the People Mover along the tracks? Powering the lift hill on Space Mountain with a steam engine? 

You know what else? The cars are ugly. There, I said it. There’s nothing remotely attractive about them and they look dated. How about a Cars re-brand of the ride with new-look vehicles, an updated speedway theme and maybe even an inside section? Watching dozens of Lightning McQueen’s, Chick Hick’s and Cruz Ramirez’s (and the rest) do laps of the track would probably look pretty cool. Not very futuristic, but surely better than the current offering?

Alternatively, make it a Toy Story theme and we can all drive around in Pizza Planet delivery cars. Use the wand of power!

I understand the Speedway is a traditional favourite and a fun ride for kids because they actually get to drive something, but personally I wouldn’t mind if they replaced it with something a bit more futuristic. It is Tomorrowland after all.

4. Is It’s A Small World a ride or a form of punishment?

It’s a small world after all…

Let’s be honest, that song gets stuck in your head. Some people might love it, but it’s torture to me. I can handle the first minute or two, but having that song on repeat for fifteen straight minutes while over 300 animatronics spin around and bounce up and down makes me want to rip my ears off.

It’s a small world after all…

Don’t get me wrong, on a hot day it’s nice to take a slow boat ride out of the sun in air conditioned comfort, but that damn song is too much of a price to pay! I’d rather get heat stroke at the Speedway.

It’s a small world after all…

Honestly, I have no idea how anyone enjoys this ride. To me it’s akin to being stabbed in the brain for a quarter of an hour. I know the ride conveys a positive message of tolerance and understanding, but why must I be tortured in the process? 

It’s a small, small world.

It’s stuck in your head now, isn’t it? Thank me later, but first, repeat it in a dozen different languages!

Need to escape the sun and humidity? Pirates Of The Caribbean is my go-to. It might be a small world for some, but it’s a pirate’s life for me.

5. Why Can’t I Go There Everyday?

It seems unfair, doesn’t it? Having to go to work day after day and then complete the same mundane chores at home over and over instead of spending each day at the Magic Kingdom. In a perfect world we’d all be able to spend all our time at a Disney park of our choosing and there would miraculously be no wait times for anything!

Unfortunately real life rears it’s ugly head and we’re forced to do what we must and save our pennies for the next trip to Disney. Perhaps this is partly what makes that next trip so special: the waiting, the saving, the anticipation and finally, the reward of the experience itself.

Still, if Disney asked me to “be our guest” on a daily basis (at their expense, of course!) I wouldn’t complain. I’d even put up with the noisy cars on the Tomorrowland Speedway.

But would I ride It’s A Small World again?

No. I can happily live the rest of my life never hearing that song again.