Conwoman Melissa Caddick remains missing despite her severed foot washing ashore last year. Police say their investigation continues but have admitted that they – like Melissa Caddick herself – are stumped.
Travis Scott’s Astroworld festival was struck by tragedy when a crowd crush resulted in the deaths of eight people. This horrendous turn of events is being described as being so tragic it’s almost as bad as listening to Travis Scott’s “music”.
Patrons who attended the Melbourne Cup are being urged to get tested after an outbreak of coronavirus cases was linked to the race. However, we should point out that if anyone deserves to get coronavirus, it’s probably the people who attend the Melbourne Cup.
Touchless pedestrian crossing buttons are being trialled in some parts of Australia in the wake of the pandemic, whereby the pedestrian waves their hand in front of a sensor to activate the crossing. The Melbourne council of Kingston is reporting an overwhelmingly positive response to the new contactless buttons so far, however is seems not everyone is on board. A local Catholic priest was quoted as saying “this is ridiculous, you can’t touch anything anymore!”
Tim Paine has resigned as Test captain after a sexting scandal from 2017 came to light in which the Tasmanian allegedly sent two-headed dick pics to an unnamed woman.
In tragic celebrity news, Justin Bieber is reportedly alive and well.
Chrysler has announced it is leaving the Australian car market. The brand only sells one model locally and it is expected to be a few years after they withdraw from Australia before anyone notices.
Prime Minister Scott Morrison is now calling for an end to vaccine mandates. This follows his previous statements about how vaccine mandates were essential which came after other statements in which he claimed he would never support vaccine mandates. Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews applauded the PM’s comments, saying “that’s the kind of shit I talk, too!”
And finally, the weather this week has sucked in most parts of the country, so at least we’re united in that.