Dumb Statements And How To Respond


Sometimes people say things that don’t deserve a polite response. For example…


You wouldn’t like me when I’m mad. I don’t like you now, so what’s the difference?

You want go home in an ambulance? No, I’d use an Uber for that, dickhead.

You think you’re a tough guy? No, but I know I’m an accurate shot.

You want your head kicked in? Yes please, I was really hoping someone would smash my skull in.

I’ve been to jail before and I’m not afraid to go back. Your lofty life ambitions are truly inspiring.



Is this item still available? Well it’s still listed for sale, detective. Reckon you can solve this one?

Do you mind if I join you? Absolutely, so fuck off.

I know you’re on your break, but can you take this call? Sorry, I don’t work for free.

Can I pay with cash? I don’t know, do you have any cash?



I found it. It was in the last place I looked. Really? Once you found it you didn’t keep looking? How strange.

I hate my job. That’s so unusual because everyone I know loves being a slave to some rich douche for 40 hours a week.

I need a holiday. Then book one and shut up about it.

Don’t have kids. If they’re so bad why did you have five?

Do you drink coffee? Ummm, how else do you think I get through the days without slitting everyone’s throats?