Sometimes people say things that don’t deserve a polite response. For example…

THREATS:

You wouldn’t like me when I’m mad. I don’t like you now, so what’s the difference?

You want go home in an ambulance? No, I’d use an Uber for that, dickhead.

You think you’re a tough guy? No, but I know I’m an accurate shot.

You want your head kicked in? Yes please, I was really hoping someone would smash my skull in.

I’ve been to jail before and I’m not afraid to go back. Your lofty life ambitions are truly inspiring.

QUESTIONS:

Is this item still available? Well it’s still listed for sale, detective. Reckon you can solve this one?

Do you mind if I join you? Absolutely, so fuck off.

I know you’re on your break, but can you take this call? Sorry, I don’t work for free.

Can I pay with cash? I don’t know, do you have any cash?

STATEMENTS:

I found it. It was in the last place I looked. Really? Once you found it you didn’t keep looking? How strange.

I hate my job. That’s so unusual because everyone I know loves being a slave to some rich douche for 40 hours a week.

I need a holiday. Then book one and shut up about it.

Don’t have kids. If they’re so bad why did you have five?

Do you drink coffee? Ummm, how else do you think I get through the days without slitting everyone’s throats?